I hadn't felt much like keeping up with things after my Gramma passed in April.
I still can't believe she is physically gone & haven't brought myself to delete her number from my cell. It was all sort of surreal, flying home at a moments notice... nostalgic memories & lost family coming together to grieve & attempt smiles to one another through tears.
But in the end, I said my peace, her last and closest friend Peg (who still is one of the most lovely looking elder ladies I've known) came up & hugged me hard & long & told me my Gramma would have been proud the way I turned out & what I said. She wouldn't let me go. She hugged me so hard that her hearing aid ear stuck to my ear. A constant Tweeking & spirited feedback song was ringing in my ears. I told Peg she was singing me a song from her ear. Unfortunately, I told that to her while being hugged, & spoken into her hearing aid ear. Of course she didn't hear me.
I touched her one last time, & watched them lower her into the ground as the wind (almost as if on Que) whipped up the leaves all around & knock over the billowing bouquet of flowers. Nature or Gram's last attempt to speak her mind from beyond for having unsettled Grampas gravestone & block Aunt Kathy's name from the families gaze as many had to stand atop her stone to throw in a last parting flower. Aunt Kathy always seem to get the last parting jab.
We jaunted over to see other family. I placed a flower on Uncle Neils Motorcycle gravestone... dusted it off & snapped a shot.
It's funny how most things I should be doing, seem almost meaningless. I've been trying to plow along & reorganize my life. But finding faint traces of the low seem to be sticking to my spirit.
All that is left is to just keep living each day. Day to day... plowing ahead. Keep creating. Get back in the game before it consumes.